


The Diricawls and the Glumbumbles

by alephnull



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Sirius Black Doesn't Go to Azkaban, Drabble, Fluff, Gen, Humour, M/M, Pre-Canon, Raising Harry Potter, parenting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-25
Updated: 2021-01-25
Packaged: 2021-03-17 07:14:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 701
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28970415
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alephnull/pseuds/alephnull
Summary: Eight-year-old Harry doesn't know how babies are made.(Set in a world where Sirius doesn't go to Azkaban, and Wolfstar raises Harry.)
Relationships: Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 8
Kudos: 76





	The Diricawls and the Glumbumbles

Harry is growing up so quickly. He's eight now, shooting up in height, looking more and more like his father every day.

Sirius carries him home from a playdate with Ron, appearing in the fireplace with a flash of green. Remus grins at the sight of his husband and adopted son.

“Hello Harry, hello Padfoot,” Remus greets.

Sirius seats himself in an armchair, Harry bouncing on his knee.

“Moony, Padfoot, did you know that Ron has a little sister?” Harry blurts out.

“That he does,” Sirius confirms.

“Can I have a little sister?” Harry asks eagerly.

Remus and Sirius both frown at the same time.

“I’m not sure we can handle another child,” Sirius says cautiously.

Sirius isn’t wrong. It’s difficult enough, having to hand Harry over to the Weasleys every full moon.

Remus still remembers the mini heart attack he had when Harry had walked up to him, prodded Remus in the stomach, and loudly said “werewolf!” Thankfully, they were at home.

Remus had thought that someone had told Harry, but it turned out that Harry read about werewolves in a book, and then realised that he always had to stay away on full moons. Remus supposes Harry got his intelligence from his mother.

So Remus doesn’t send Harry away to hide it from him anymore, but it’s still not a good idea for a child to be around a werewolf at full moon, whether or not the werewolf is locked away. Remus has suggested that Sirius should look after Harry whilst Remus locked himself up, but Sirius had scoffed at that ( _Harry has the Weasleys, but you only have me_ ). Remus supposes that if Sirius wouldn’t let Remus transform alone as a schoolboy, he wouldn’t let Remus transform alone now.

“Well, you might be getting another child anyway,” Harry says confidently.

“And why’s that?” Remus asks, sitting himself down on the sofa across from Sirius and Harry’s armchair.

“Mrs Weasley said that Ron’s little sister was an accident,” Harry says. “Maybe the same will happen to us. You could accidentally make a baby.”

Sirius really has not matured since he was a boy, because he has to cover his mouth to snicker right then. Remus rolls his eyes at his husband.

“He’s probably old enough to know,” Remus says idly.

“I thought we agreed that you would give him the talk,” Sirius replies. “I wouldn’t be able to tell him without laughing.”

Remus sighs with the exhaustion of a man who has to deal with a husband possibly more immature than his eight-year-old son.

“Sometimes I feel like a single father with two sons,” Remus mutters to himself.

Harry looks between his adoptive fathers with innocent confusion.

“What’s so funny?” he asks.

Remus looks patiently at Harry.

“Padfoot and I can’t make a baby together, accidentally or not,” Remus explains.

“Why not?” Harry asks. “I thought two people can make a baby when they really love each other. Moony, don’t you love Padfoot?”

Remus purses his lips.

“Unfortunately, I do,” he says. “But Padfoot and I can’t make a baby because we, ah, we don’t have the right bits.”

Sirius really should not be grinning this much. It’s not that funny.

“What are the right bits?” Harry asks.

Remus lets himself take a deep breath.

“It’s a bit complicated to explain that part,” Remus says. “We’ll tell you when you’re a little older.”

“But Mrs Weasley says I’m a big boy now.”

Remus nods patiently. He’s beginning to grow a little irritated at Sirius, who is not helping when he keeps grinning at his husband and adopted son instead of trying to answer Harry’s questions with Remus.

“You are a big boy, of course,” Remus says. “But it’s just... a bit of a long conversation, and it’s getting late, don’t you think?”

Harry crosses his arms.

“‘M not sleepy.”

“Did you eat dinner at Ron’s?” Remus asks.

Harry nods slowly.

“Then it’s bedtime for you,” Remus says. “Padfoot, take him to bed, and you owe me a back rub for not helping me in that conversation.”

Sirius simply hums in agreement, kissing the top of Harry’s head before carrying Harry over to the bathroom to do his nighttime routine.

**Author's Note:**

> Currently working on a longer Remus-centric fic, but here, take this raising-Harry drabble in the meantime lol.
> 
> (I feel like it ruins it if I explain it, but in case the title makes no sense whatsoever, Diricawls are a type of magical bird and Glumbumbles are a type of magical insect—it's like "the birds and the bees".)
> 
> As a final note, I specifically had Remus explain it as "we can't make a baby together because we don't have the right bits" and not "we can't make a baby because we're both boys". Men can get pregnant, and if you think JK Rowling's transphobic views are anything short of disgusting and unacceptable, then you are not welcome here :) It's also not really specified that Remus and Sirius are cis men in this—"we don't have the right bits" also works if they are both trans men, or only one of them is trans and has had a hysterectomy. TLDR please do feel free to headcanon one or both of them as trans


End file.
